Window

Can you believe that tummy?

It's the most beautiful time of the year. The trees are simply amazing as the world prepares for winter.

This morning the light fell softly, and the yellows danced with the blue sky.

Every time I saw an amazing scene (just about every block), I felt a sting of sadness - because without my wife by my side the world just isn't as beautiful.

A new comic came out a few days ago. I figured, with my wife out of town, it would be a great time to get caught up on what's going on in the comic world. The new comic, called "Infinite Crisis" from DC, is a great example of what makes comics so spectacular. These two panels are among my favorite in the comic.

The first panel is just incredible. The build-up to that point in the entire comic is brilliant. The heroes, at this point, are basically bickering and fighting among themselves while the rest of the world is at the brink of destruction. It reminds me of the world today. Doesn't it seem like there is just too little inspiration to go around? With so many disasters and so much pain and suffering around the world - what is there left to inspire us? I think there are plenty of people out there who can do that for us, but we don't see them. The news is too busy reporting on the war, or a violent crime, or the latest disasters. Don't get me wrong - reporting on what's bad in the world is important, but when did that become THE most important thing?

And when Batman says "There's always a choice for people like US," I think of my students and how they face so many difficult things in life. Many of them are taken down paths that are dark and will only end with pain. Some, however, find it within themselves to do right, and to do the best to end whatever cycle they find themselves in. They make choices that are for the good of themselves even when the rest of their world is making the wrong choices. I can't imagine the bravery that must take, and it is because of them that I have great hope for this world.

This is what it looks like when you come to our house. This is what Casey has waiting for her when she returns home!

Bravery

My wife is the bravest person I know. She might laugh if I said that and not believe it.

But she is.

Although the beauty of her personality has remained over the years, she has become a completely different person since I first met her.

She could have taken an easy path - one in which she stayed on the safe course in her life, where there was no risk.

Yet over the years she has challenged herself to be a better person. She takes risks, sometimes small and sometimes large, by writing, creating art, and living life fully.

She is a person that feels things more deeply than anyone I know, and because of that, even small things hurt. I think people who don't produce art don't know how much of a risk it really is... how it can hurt when someone passes you by at an art show without giving your work a second glance.

So here she is - inspiring me every day with her magical art and outlook on life. She is capable of more love than I have ever imagined, and I feel grateful that she has chosen me to share it with. She is brave because she took the more difficult path in this life - one filled with risk and a future that we are still shaping.

Today she went out of town to visit a good friend. She has her camera, and I can't wait to see what she finds.

The day is such a blur to me now - all the family and friends, the food and decorations, the nervousness, and then the beauty of the ceremony. I remember momentarily being surrounded by everyone watching us dance, and then I closed my eyes and moved with my wife on the dance floor. I think I realized then that marriage wasn't that big of a deal - that we were in love, and everything was going to be wonderfully the same.

I haven't taken "just for fun" pictures in a while. One of my students is challenging me to get some more stuff done and do darkroom work. This weekend, at the very least, I'll finish a roll of film and try to get back into the "darkroom thing."

Pastels

My wife inspires me.
Lately she has been experimenting with her art,
cutting things out of newspapers,
using paints and pastels in ways she hasn't done before.

So today, after a kitty stopped me from doing work and took over my computer chair, I grabbed a piece of paper and pastels and figured I'd do some experimenting too.

I like it... very "octoberish" if you ask me, but I do wish I had found a better red.

Felines...

I would love to get inside her head at this moment, and watch her dream.
What would the dream be?
I can imagine her flying in the air, soaring through the sky in one big feline jump,
looking down at fields full of mice and dark secret places below.
Eventually she would come back down and spend some time in various places...
maybe come and check in on her family, but then move back outside, her ears back,
her sister by her side - their curiosity carrying them to their next adventure.

Broken

pretending

Anyone who thinks that race doesn't matter in the hurricane Katrina disaster is playing a game of pretend. Watch the news. Listen to the radio.

Most of the people suffering are poor. Most are black.

This is supposed to be America. This isn't supposed to happen here. No matter what happens... no matter what anyone says... please let it be known that it simply took too long to get these people help.

I've watched a lot of news, read a lot of history - but I'm shocked and saddened by what a country like America let happen in New Orleans. I honestly don't care who is president. If you knew me - you'd know I am anti-Bush. But it doesn't matter at this point - it goes far deeper than bush or any president.

This is about race and class. This is about a country who still hasn't come face-to-face with some deep-rooted racial issues, and needs to.

Would you like to play a game?

I thought long ago that someday I might get sick of playing games as I got older and "more intellectual." It hasn't happened yet. Video games were my main addiction, but now I'm really into trading card games. There is probably nothing more geeky than these card games - Magic the Gathering and my new favorite, the Marvel VS. System, and I couldn't care less. Although I'm 30, have a house and wonderful wife, and a real job teaching high school students, you'd think I would have given up the gaming hobby (especially because it's terribly expensive). But I haven't - and I hope I never will. There is something about it that keeps me young - keeps me smiling and aware that small joys can mean so much. It would be easy for me to be a "serious" guy all the time - sometimes I can feel myself become that way as I worry about the world around me - the world that seems to me to be falling apart. I fear for the future of my students and what kind of world they are entering... I fear for myself and Casey sometimes too. But with video games or card games, the dark cloud goes away, and for a brief time I'm a kid again, where the only true worry in the world is winning the game and having fun.

Comic Book Summer

Summer is almost over for me - and I'll be back to school in a little over a week. This summer was great, though. My wife and I saw Batman Begins four times, and it inspired me to break open all my old comics (and buy a bunch of new ones).

I think when people ask me what I did this summer, I'll tell them I read comic books. It's a much more interesting answer than "worked on the house" or "played video games" or "nothing."

Comic books are incredible. They are at once works of art and great literature. People might scoff when I say this - but I think both are (or can be) true. They are reflections of our culture and times - and past comic books are a direct link to that period's fears, hopes, and dreams.

Right now I'm digging Captain America. Here is a comic book hero who, above all, fights any evil that might threaten his country. Throughout history he's fought Nazi's, Russians, and, of course, more modern enemies to American liberty. And now, Captain America is having his doubts about his countries past and his role in America's exploitation of the world. Some diehards have freaked out - but Captain America is showing his humanity, and is again a reflection of our times. He's becoming a true American patriot - someone who doesn't blindly follow, but someone who questions the very country he loves, and still has the heart to fight for it.

Happy Birthday, My love...

I never thought I would be so lucky to have you in my life. You have made my life full of meaning and happiness. I love you, Casey! Happy 30th Birthday!!!!

Regret

I can't take it when my wife cries. She cried today when she read my blog - tiny tears shed because of the last line of my blog. I regret it. I suppose when you end any week, I've played more video games than she has... so why do I get so upset when she spends so much time on the PSP? I don't know... maybe it's because she's the responsible one... she's the reliable one... she's the best of the two. I love her with all my heart and everything I am... so maybe it's time I stop playing so many games too...

PSP...gamecube...whatever

My wife isn't always sure what it's called - sometimes it's a gamecube... sometimes it's a PSP... and it doesn't matter. What matters is that she can turn it on and play a puzzle game. I love her more than anything on this earth, but the PSP is a thorn in our side. She plays it when we drive - which makes driving so much more lonely. She plays it when she says she should be doing art, and gets very upset if I suggest she turn it off. Her goal, strangely, was to wipe my name from all the high score slots. She thought that if she did that, she would be satisfied. I haven't touched the game for at least a month (or more), and sure enough, her game name, "Yoda," fills every high score there is. She's addicted now... at one point she even hid the PSP under the loveseat so I wouldn't catch her playing. I'm not sure what to do... sell it? Hide it? Or just let her play it... after all, in any given week, I still spend more time gaming than she does...
This little piece of technology is truly amazing - but I think , in the end, it has created a tiny little space between us I want back.

Bad Picture - Good Guy

First off- I know this isn't a good picture. So why am I posting it? Simply because I just realized I don't really have any great pictures of someone as important as this guy is to me. His name is John, and he's one of the best guy's I've ever met. He will always be one of my best friends - someone who I love like family.

I'm hesitant to say who I would be today if it weren't for him. I was such a different person when I was younger - when I first met him at "The MART." I couldn't have expected at the time someone like him would come along and show me the path to who I am now. I was at a crossroads in my life: I liked partying far too much, would lash out at people without reserve, and had the most intense anger hidden inside me, some people were actually afraid of me... (remember Calhorn, John?). I can safely say that without him I wouldn't have the gifts I have today - a wife, a house (with two kitties in it!), and a future filled with possibility.

John was my supervisor, and he was always there for me. Even though I should have been fired dozens of times, John stood behind me, backed me up, and talked me through things. He saw the worst I had to offer - but he helped to bring out the best.

Maybe someday I'll be able to pay him back. I laugh with him at his bad luck (one of his great gifts is being able to laugh at the absolute worst life has put him through), but deep inside I wish there was something I could do for him. Who knows... maybe there is... and then I can take a better picture.

The problem with blogs...

Is that you have to update them. I'm a slacker when it comes to doing this. And the funny thing is that I have no excuse. There's no "I was too busy" or "I was out of town" or any of that junk. Nope - the answer, really, is that I've just been lazy.

SO... to pick things back up again, here is a favorite picture of mine. My friend told me of a spot at the edge of town where native Nebraska prarie is being restored. It's hard to imagine what Nebraska - or the Midwest - looked like before the entire landscape was altered...

Lightplay

I think this might be the last post from the South Dakota trip. I might have milked it long enough... the journey was a lonely one - but worth it, I think. Perhaps someday Casey and I will be able to do this more - to explore the world and share what we see.

Barriers

SO... it's not a great photo. I realize that. There is no real depth to the photo - nothing to create a sense of distance. I don't care... What's amazing about being in such remote areas of Nebraska and South Dakota are boundless distances without fences, light posts, and power lines. There were times when I would stop the car and just spend a few minutes looking out into the distance, imagining myself walking slowly through the fields and spending time enjoying the simple beauty of the land. Of course, that didn't happen. I had to hurry to get home to my wife and kitties, and I was still somewhat frightened I'd get killed by a rattlesnake.