lost

Recently the humane society decided to put “to sleep” this animal that I wanted to adopt. “To sleep” is a nicer way of saying “killed.” I rescued the animal at my school and called the Nebraska Humane Society in the hope that its owner would claim her. In the hour it took them to pick her up, I was able to spend some time with her – she became comfortable in my warm lap and kneaded my legs with her sharp claws. She probably enjoyed the warmth, and I’m sure she felt safe.


She was friendly to everyone who entered. She purred and rubbed on all of us. When I left the room I could hear her cry, and when I returned she instantly was drawn to my lap, purring and looking up at me. I have a feeling that she was a special animal.

When the man came to get her, I gave them my name and number. If the owner didn’t claim her my wife and I would have adopted her, or find someone who would. After a week of hearing nothing, I went to the Humane Society to check on her, hoping my wife and I could come and visit her at some point and discuss adoption. That’s when I was told she was put to sleep. She never made it into the adoption stage, even though they told me she was perfectly healthy.

She was never given a chance to live. I was never given a chance to make a difference in her life.



I’m not unrealistic. I do know that in this city, animals are “put down” every day. “Put down” is yet another nice way to say “killed.” I know that not every animal can find a home, and shelters can only hold so many strays. I know sometimes it’s the right thing to do when starvation, disease, and over-population are the alternatives.

But this animal had a home waiting for her – mine.


She never even had a name, or the chance to slide along our wood floor, chasing her two feline friends we have at home now. Maybe I’m being naïve – it might have never worked out at home. Maybe the dream of her getting along with the other two cats would not have happened.

But I would have tried, and sometimes that's enough.

Snowing

There is finally snow on the ground again, after the mildest winter I can remember having. Last night it dipped below zero.

I have to remember to get out there and take lots of photos. This one is from two years ago. It's depressing to think that I haven't gone out and braved the cold this year at all!

I'll get out there soon, and hopefully post something new.

20 Minutes

20 Minutes - give or take a few. That's probably the amount of time Zach and I spent on this small mini-photo expedition. These are a few of my shots, but Zach got some great ones too. He's only been seriously working on photos for about a month now, and his photographs are truly amazing. I've seen people online who have been shooting for years who haven't got an eye like Zach has.

Mud

So, my friend Zach and I went on a photo expedition today to get some material for a Valentine's Day show he has coming up. We drove to Persia, Iowa, where I haven't been before, and decided to get off on some side roads.

Wrong move.

What you see here can't describe what happened. The car, at that point, was completely stuck. Getting it back into the middle of the road was the only victory we could muster. The mud was more like grease... and
we finally had to suck it up and walk to a farmer's house. After some time - the farmer brought out his tractor to get us out... only the tractor got stuck too! It took some time, but he was finally able to get some traction and get us out.

It was a blast... and we have some cool photos to show for it. The best part of it all is just being able to tell the story of the day.

Snap

Zach and I on a photo trip.

Lessons

Pets to me aren't pets. They are family. Ever since I've been young, I've been surrounded by the most amazing family in the world - pets included. I have fond memories of old animals all through my childhood... of Amy, who would lay on my chest and clench her claws into it (and I loved every second of it) - and of Vass who would howl mournfully in the basement when he was "taking turns" being with the family when our dog Sassy was upstairs (they didn't get along). Sassy, a beautiful terrier who worshipped my mother beyond belief... but would sit with me for a few seconds as I scratched her back. I hear legends of a dog named Bobby that I can barely remember... who was supposed to be among the sweetest dogs who ever lived. And Alabama - the first dog who ever loved me the most, who has ended her journey on earth... a dog who my mother, a certified dog expert, has said was the best dog who ever lived. I agree.

I think one of the greatest lessons I've ever learned from my family is that animals deserve the best we can give them. Pets don't have choices - we bring them into our lives whether they want to come or not. We owe it to them to spoil them... to love them... to let them become part of our family so they can feel love every second of their lives.

Right now at my mother's home, Mikey, a monsterous black lab who has never given up being a puppy, is probably plotting to eat his next remote control (he has destroyed over a dozen). And you know what? When he gets that remote control, he won't be abused and hurt... he will probably be greeted with a stern voice yelling "MIKEY!" only to be followed by a warm hug moments later.

Animals are gifts. It's probably the greatest lesson I've ever learned.

Loss

Alabama... She was with me through some of the most difficult times of my life - when I needed her most. There are no words to describe how I felt when I brought her in to the vet one last time - I can only say that she made the world a better place by bringing limitless love, joy, and inspiration into my life. She was a gift to this world, one of which I will always be grateful. She will always be with me.

Christmas was a little different this year. Casey and I decided against getting everyone gifts, and instead giving to the Katrina effort. Of course, we found special items for each other, and gave to the kids of our families - but outside of that, we stayed out of the gift-giving marathon Christmas has become.

Not that we're against giving and receiving gifts. It's just that Christmas has become about the gifts instead of spending time with family and friends.

It's not always like that. I gave my father a picture of him when we was probably 20 something next to one of his old cars. It was a great black and white I got from a tiny picture, and I was able to scan it and make it a lot larger. He had tears in his eyes, and hugged me hard when he opened it (December 25th just so happens to be his birthday). It meant a lot to both of us... and it felt great.

This Christmas wasn't filled with the stress of previous ones. I didn't have to worry about guessing how much someone would spend on me so I could spend the same as them. We also made it a point to give to the Katrina relief effort - as I look around at my home and all thing things we have, I have come to realize that although we are in no way rich, we have much more than many people out there could ever imagine. Christmas should be for the kids and sharing moments with family and friends... I hope we do this every year.

Mom and Dad

I scanned this old photo from a tiny picture my mom gave me. At this point, they were younger than I am now. They were just starting out, trying to make a life together.

I hope my mother and father realize just how lucky I feel when I'm around them. They have worked hard to create a good life for the family, and I'm proud to be their son.

experiments

My wife always says she wants to experiment with painting on canvas and doing other artistic things. I always tell her to go for it.

So here's my experiment - I'm going to go back through the archives and see what photoshop magic I can do to bring some life and possibility to pictures that might just need a little "something" to make them cool.

Getting Ready

This is my wife, getting her room ready for a television show to film her doing her art. She's afraid, excited, and overwhelmed. More than anything, the possibilities of what this could bring is probably the most scary aspect of the whole thing.

After all - isn't it so much easier to just let things be? Dreams can be as big as the world - but mostly they are only dreams. We don't pursue them because we are too comfortable in our own lives... too afraid of all the bad things that might happen if we let our dreams lead us into the unkown.

Casey is an artist. It's that simple... and yet it's hard for her to declare that to the world. I can't wait for the day when Casey can respond to the question "what do you do for a living?" with the bold statement of "I'm an artist." This is her chance to tell the world and take another step toward her dream.

I have been tagged...

Even though I hate these things... here we go... 20 random things about me:

1. I love animals as much as I do people.
2. I am proud of the fact that I love animals so much.
3. I'm 30 - but I'm into comics and video games.
4. I can't believe that I'm actually a high school teacher. It's just weird.
5. My dog, Alabama, showed me what true love is.
6. My family is crazy and strange and fun and wild - and I can't imagine loving them more.
7. I broke my hand punching a wall in high school. My mother squirmed when they had to put my bones back in place.
8. Tonight is parent teacher conferences. Weird.
9. I never knew anything about photography until I was hired to teach it.
10. I did not vote for George Bush... so don't blame me.
11. I have a house, I'm married, and have a career. Cool weirdness all around.
12. My wife is capable of more love and goodness than I've ever imagined possible.
13. Our two cats are the greatest cats in the world. There are no arguments possible.
14. The older I get the less I care about football and the more I care about politics and the world. I never thought that would happen.
15. I like heavy metal music. Not the heavy metal you probably know - I'm talking the REALLY heavy stuff - with screaming and insane crushing guitars and machine gun drums.
16. I used to want to be a park ranger. Then I wanted to be an artist. Then I was in limbo... and now I'm a teacher (and an artist too, I think).
17. "I have love in my life, and it makes me stronger than anything you could ever imagine." - this is actually a quote from the movie Punch Drunk Love - and it's one of my favorite quotes from a movie.
18. I think the movie "Unbreakable" is one of the greatest of all time. Same with Aliens, Batman Begins, Big Trouble in Little China, and Fight Club.
19. My room is a mess. It's always a mess.
20. When my wife touches my hand, looks into my eyes, or puts her head on my shoulder - I know that, no matter what happens, I'll always have her by my side.

Looking

I used to freak out with many of my pictures - looking at them closely in Photoshop - checking for hints of noise or defects. I don't do that anymore.



I went through hell for months with my Canon 10D, thinking I had focus problems... and almost went through the same hell with the 20D when I thought I had excessive "vertical banding" in my high ISO photos. Many hours were wasted that could have been productive.

My wife and I do portraits, weddings, and other artistic adventures. We did two portrait sessions today, and I used the new Olympus cameras here and there to give them a workout. While I could probably zoom in and dissect every aspect of the photos and find some flaws (for instance, there is a bit more noise at low ISOs than my 20D) - I'm not going to waste my time doing that anymore. The photos look great - and, more than anything, while I used the Olympus cameras today I reached a bit of a "zone" - where I didn't worry about all the technical stuff, and I just shot freely, capturing the moments as they happened.



The new cameras reminded me how fun photography can be, if only we let it.

Pathway

In Between

On Guard

At a portrait session today, we saw this dog wandering the park. You'd never know he only had three legs. He ran around the park at full speed like he owned it, and barked up any tree with even the hint of a squirrel. It reminds me of my own dog - now old and blind - who still wags her tail like she was a puppy, still loving life and sharing her love.

What I miss most about home

Hints of winter

Clinging

A shadow

Faded

Scattered

History

Hangers

Abandoned Sky

Under the leaves

Stairway

Shot of the day

After getting some new cameras for school, I thought I'd spend the day testing them to figure them out for the kids. I drove 150 miles - and came up with a whole slew of shots worthy of a day out with a camera. This was the biggest surprise when I loaded it on the computer - a shot I almost drove past because it was too boring. I'm glad I didn't pass it by.

boo

Yesterday was Halloween.

My wife bought me a small (very cute) bat, some candy, and a sweet card.

She never misses a holiday - holidays to her are just another reason to celebrate the small things in life, and she sees them as an opportunity to make people smile.

We ate potato soup and watched Poltergeist while handing out candy at her sister's house. Most of the time she was next to me, in my arms. There was no place on Earth I'd rather be.

Window

Can you believe that tummy?

It's the most beautiful time of the year. The trees are simply amazing as the world prepares for winter.

This morning the light fell softly, and the yellows danced with the blue sky.

Every time I saw an amazing scene (just about every block), I felt a sting of sadness - because without my wife by my side the world just isn't as beautiful.

A new comic came out a few days ago. I figured, with my wife out of town, it would be a great time to get caught up on what's going on in the comic world. The new comic, called "Infinite Crisis" from DC, is a great example of what makes comics so spectacular. These two panels are among my favorite in the comic.

The first panel is just incredible. The build-up to that point in the entire comic is brilliant. The heroes, at this point, are basically bickering and fighting among themselves while the rest of the world is at the brink of destruction. It reminds me of the world today. Doesn't it seem like there is just too little inspiration to go around? With so many disasters and so much pain and suffering around the world - what is there left to inspire us? I think there are plenty of people out there who can do that for us, but we don't see them. The news is too busy reporting on the war, or a violent crime, or the latest disasters. Don't get me wrong - reporting on what's bad in the world is important, but when did that become THE most important thing?

And when Batman says "There's always a choice for people like US," I think of my students and how they face so many difficult things in life. Many of them are taken down paths that are dark and will only end with pain. Some, however, find it within themselves to do right, and to do the best to end whatever cycle they find themselves in. They make choices that are for the good of themselves even when the rest of their world is making the wrong choices. I can't imagine the bravery that must take, and it is because of them that I have great hope for this world.

This is what it looks like when you come to our house. This is what Casey has waiting for her when she returns home!

Bravery

My wife is the bravest person I know. She might laugh if I said that and not believe it.

But she is.

Although the beauty of her personality has remained over the years, she has become a completely different person since I first met her.

She could have taken an easy path - one in which she stayed on the safe course in her life, where there was no risk.

Yet over the years she has challenged herself to be a better person. She takes risks, sometimes small and sometimes large, by writing, creating art, and living life fully.

She is a person that feels things more deeply than anyone I know, and because of that, even small things hurt. I think people who don't produce art don't know how much of a risk it really is... how it can hurt when someone passes you by at an art show without giving your work a second glance.

So here she is - inspiring me every day with her magical art and outlook on life. She is capable of more love than I have ever imagined, and I feel grateful that she has chosen me to share it with. She is brave because she took the more difficult path in this life - one filled with risk and a future that we are still shaping.

Today she went out of town to visit a good friend. She has her camera, and I can't wait to see what she finds.

The day is such a blur to me now - all the family and friends, the food and decorations, the nervousness, and then the beauty of the ceremony. I remember momentarily being surrounded by everyone watching us dance, and then I closed my eyes and moved with my wife on the dance floor. I think I realized then that marriage wasn't that big of a deal - that we were in love, and everything was going to be wonderfully the same.

I haven't taken "just for fun" pictures in a while. One of my students is challenging me to get some more stuff done and do darkroom work. This weekend, at the very least, I'll finish a roll of film and try to get back into the "darkroom thing."